argh

Can't do this no more
These sleepless nights
The cramming of stuff
I hate being tested
I want to be free
and hike to the sunrise
every morning.

growing up

2:38 am in a hotel room
this is the real world
late late nights
and early mornings
oh and so much money
it's making me sick
and I don't know what to do

Today

I am allowed to gloat....this one time.
Then I'll shut up, promise.

He dumped me this day.
The last day of break.
I was asleep in the back of his uncle's car
drowsily climbed the stairs to our apartment
sat on the couch full of anticipation
that we had reunited.

Then he let out those ominous words
I'm moving back to Illinois
It's all kind of blurry but the message was definite.
And I sobbed
Ironically on a love seat.
How dare he make a hipster out of me.

All I can say now is
Fuck You
and
Thank You.

Today I woke up to the sun
and slept in
Lingering with my favorite blonde
and his slightly lavender eyelids.
Time heals
and I'm ever so happy.

I've had the adventure of a lifetime this year.
I moved three times,
I kissed a dozen boys
almost died
went skiing
played lots of hockey
danced my face off
drank on weekdays
got a job playing with dirt
fell in love with mountains
met someone new
What's not to like?

Thank you for the memories
and thanks for letting me go
when I was too stubborn
to see something was definitely not working.
I'm much better for it.
Incredible,
how one day can change
your entire life.

Hold

You've got a hold on me
wise Sinatra once said.
I want to freeze time sometimes
on these timeless gray-skied mornings
when the sun gives you no warning,
when we're still entangled
under sheets
half asleep
(I can tell, kissing your eyelids)
mumbling "I like you's"
"darling won't you stay?"
let's put life on hold,
wrap your fuzzy arms around me
let's touch, nose to nose
yes.
I'd like to stay.

I Want

I've got piles of paper
a midterm
knots and knots of
red tape sorrow
and all I want is out.
I want the middle of nowhere
the open grass and fragrant meadow
oh home sweet Illinois
in the summertime.
The powdered snow wonder
that is Colorado
The trail leading to the tops of mountains
I want to camp under a blanket
moving in and out of sleep
I want to see a sunrise in a canyon
I want so skate fresh zamboni ice
sleep under stars

nude

You lost a bet, a most glorious bet
lucky for you
with a pencil I'm deft.

I am drawing the zigzag mess of your blonde hair
your blue, honest eyes downcast,
intently focused on Garfield.
You're trying so hard to ignore me. 

I am drawing that sharp angle of your shoulder,
the hand cupping your cheek,
arm perpendicular to the bed.
the slope of your body to the curve of your ass,

your most beloved wedding vegetables
I try to do justice.
The long dancers legs
How I love they can skate
to the tips of your toes
that have long lost their feeling.

And I make the swirls
of the hair on your chest
the shadows that give you
the fullness, the depth

when I'm done being surprised
there's always still something left.

Bus Ride i.e I think you're wonderful

Things that mean nothing ease away
Float to pin-points like stars in the sky.
I'm watching those stars with my head on your shoulder
This late night bus-ride back into Boulder.

I'm happy to be here, I could stay awhile
You're holding me close as we pass city lights
You mean to me oceans, your gravity's there
bundled in wool, fraught with Hurst hair.

There will be talk of Bronco's games, how the Avs lost.
But I'm happy and warm with the guy I like most.
And all through the bus ride we'll stay like this:
Dreamlike, content, an occasional kiss.

5AM TO MY LOVER

you're so asleep right now old man
I'm wide awake, it's 5 AM
I drank two cups of turbo coffee
and am doing homework
you would scold me
and tell me that my brain don't work
in that same fashion
your grammar lacks.
And I am eating lots of snacks.
man you would have a rant attack
Because that's the stuff that you would do
if you stayed awake way past two.
Did I tell you I like you?
galactic clusters, maybe two.
xoxox
love Jamie

Late Procrastication

In the late late night
I'm making lists
of what makes me happy
what still gives me rage
what needs to be done
what needs to hold off
I am piecing myself with words
to stop from feeling so detached
so far from put together
drinking my coffee
eating leftover ravioli
pushing myself with what needs to be done
I will be that girl

Ginger

As my boyfriend sits in his old car
reliving his seven years of good memories
I can only think of you.
I know exactly how he feels.

I got you in high school
Abused with stickers by my mother
Betty Boop grinning benignly on the right driver window
Little Calvin pissing in the back
Rosary swinging from the rearview mirror
taunting me with the possibility of bad luck
lest I remove it.
There's that dent from the garage
the first time I tried to back you up.

And how we drove!
Our late nights at the high school
the way you bankrupted me
as I proudly insisted on paying my own gas
for my very own car.
We went to bowling alleys, to parks
to hockey games.
I remember those early early mornings
digging you out of snow 
cracking ice off of your windshield.
Those tough Chicago winters
with salt eating your parts.

In college you were a best friend.
Getting groceries, getting drunks, giving rides
An ever generous benefactor
Abused by my dear friends.
Those long rides past cornfields
The lead-foot might of marathon rides
from Chicago-Champaign- Carlyle.
The new thrill of highways
but never ever a speeding ticket.

And you were brave in Colorado.
The very bravest, noblest car.
You took me to Colorado
That 16 hour drive
driving me further into committment.
3 states deep into the future
with someone not meant to be in it.

And did we try!
We drove all over Colorado
Nothing could intrigue him
and when he left
I sat down and cried in you.
Cried in parking lots at midnight
talked to you.
You drove me back to sanity
to food and shelter and calm.
And althought nothing was okay
You gave the hope it could be.

I'm sorry your death was inglorious
Not by my hand, by ice and bus
but I should thank you
I'm more myself than I ever was before
All those trite sayings about the journey
are never trite with you baby.
I miss you

Better

I don't need no revenge

I used to be a nice girl

I used to send Christmas cards.

I traveled halfway 'cross the country

Just to see my friends

I used to call my parents

I guess I thought all good things 

must come to an end.

....

I stopped believing in the nice girl

I believed in seduction

I believed in the ruthless, 

the anger and the looseness.

And with that I thought I'd mend.

And then I met you

With your real dates

Our real fights, our real amends

The real kisses 

and the real thank yous

your absolute kindness

and the good karma that surrounds you. 

I'm so glad I met you

I want to be that nice girl again. 

Saturday Night and the Girl who lives in it

Pedaling fast in a world of starlight

I forgot I lived for these Saturday nights

riding my bike in beautiful drunk splendor

through the dark streets of Boulder.

where drunk rolls in the grass 

  are rolls of perfection

and your group of friends become

your vicious bike gang

a most complacent gang 

smoking weed on hills above a lake

becoming pagan children worshiping moon beauty

music becomes the most tempting enticement

as you change your movement

to the flow of water, to the flow of beer

to whatever seems right

and someone says

to your delight

"come on, have you seen this girl?"

ick Monday

it's Monday
a gray day
sipping chai indoors
with industrial feelings.
must do work
must fall asleep
must muster something
with a semblance
past zombie..

apologetic, not hungover

moving is hard for you

and celibacy's hard for me

and darling this is what it will have to be

I can do it, I swear

I smile thinking about us

and how we met

so naturally under the rain

 how I still kept coming 

back to this place again

Kissing you senseless

that should be enough

kissing neck shadows

lining your scruff

the freckles on your shoulders

the hair on your chest

the face you possess

I like it best.

I'm quite the asshole

young and impatient

violent, raging

flighty, unsanctioned

but I like you

and I'm holding steady

don't have a choice, love

at least I am ready

Starbucks Fancy Coffee

Pumpkin spice latte
is warm in my hand
good morning!
you're horny!
I understand.

I play with fun ads I've made in my head
slurp something better, have coffee instead
it's paying for more, but at least you'll get some
humor's all I got and frustration's just dumb

and yes... I do amuse myself sometimes :)

frustration take 2

I'm sorry, I'm sorry
is all you can bleat
STOP
SILENCE
I want slumber sheep

stop promising sex
just let me sleep
and unconscious
sanity, I'll try to keep

goodbye airline perks!

I can tell you about airports
my childhood in airports
the standby in airports
my job at the airport

tell you the codes for every damn city
can do a whole safety talk
how to fly through security
and all I can say is I'm done with the airport
with my perks out the door...

I'm staying still
yet moving so far
got my bikes, and my trains
and assorted cars.
I'm no longer beholden to flight if you will
moving so far
while staying here still.

frustrated

 I am writhing solo

an unreasonable creature

desiring the unattainable.

the restless night calls

and you're next to me

untouchable 

unbotherable

so so so 

still

you have every reason in the entire world

to sleep so very still;

your face content, 

your warmth inviting.

unfortunately

I want more

 than just your arms

Fall in Boulder

Boulder in fall
is not fall at all.
It is a rogue flaming tree
among a sea of  pines.

Permanence

In a life like this

change is all we count on

and yet....

I don't want things to change

how I fear I'll lose this feeling of affection

the desire to kiss the freckles on your shoulders

I want place holders

memories aren't enough. 

I want to keep

Selfishly, lovingly, unabashedly keep

the permanence of feeling

the full light of a place 

where all I see is sun. 

8 AM class

Let's not get up
the window's wide open
fall chill's in the air
and you feel so nice
under warm blanket
with the alarm faintly ringing
I smile for a second and then close my eyes.

letting go

20/20 is hindsight

I go for the front sight

those miles and miles of parallel diagonal

more reckless future to engage

so much future to embrace

mountains upon mountains

upon mountains

of love.

a couple of things first.

a couple of rounds of kickball

a couple of beers at a bar

a couple of inches closer

only gets you so far.

a movie sitting together

with a couple of great guy friends

a couple of drinks, a couple of drunks

an unpredictable kiss at the end.
a couple of seconds before getting asked out

a couple of dates, a couple of scrapes

a dinner or two

just me and you.
a couple of cool  kids just holding hands
a couple of months
so far it's been grand.

terrible high

words are taking on flashing color
and the blowing wind
feels like the whole earth is shaking.
he and I
are somehow linked
in this crazy world
of throbbing sound and light.
his face cartooney
mine unattached.
I am here and then I'm not
floating into dizzy matrix space.

A.B.A.B. Colorado

I'm hiking up this mountain

and for once I'm not too slow. 

That's called acclimation

Man, I love you Colorado. 

There's rocks hiding vicious bears

that could make me into ground meat.

All I can think of is, dude that's gneiss

Colorado you're so shiny. 

And when I reach the top 

and get a gorgeous view

I meet a bunch of ex- flatlanders 

huffing and puffing too. 

they say...

I swerved out on a mountain

I got scraped knees when I biked

There's so many ways I was almost killed

Colorado makes me feel alive.

one.more.semester.

sigh double sigh.
I am on the edge of change
waiting for gravity to pull me forward
I'm that first time skydiver
knowing the inevitable.
I must jump the plane
fall into free space
It's exciting,
frightening .
I'm peeing my pants.
But one way or another,
I'll reach steady ground.

afternoons

spill into sheets

white as snow sheets

touching lips sweet

with someone sweet.

the sun lauds us for making it shine

Best Summer of my Life in prose-ish form

I spent this afternoon gripping my tube for dear life

still that flatlander at heart and terribly nervous with water.

I'm drenched, shivering and my ass bangs against the rocks.

It's one last adventure before school begins, 

an adventure capping off a notoriously good summer. 

Boulder delivers and my love for it flows.

It began in Illinois, exorcising old demons, 

going full circle with what had brought me to where I am. 

"It was for freedom, 

from myself and from the land"

It was my last time in Illinois.

For once, I felt like a big girl with a big girl job in the city. 

I took my loyal road bike Nancy on the bus

and COMMUTED like a boss, like a true Boulderite. 

I pounded soil with dainty hammers, counting endlessly. 

rolled dirt into skinny worms, washed cars, 

listened to talk radio, made friends with conservatives, 

people who gave me rides.

I dressed up like a TinWoman and skipped the yellow brick road

with a Scarecrowette, Dorothy and a Lioness.

I went to California with my best friends

and took a deep breath. 

It was lush scenery, frozen water beaches, farmers markets, delicious food

and the very best company a girl could have.

There were times I was mad

and I raged in Utah. 

Spent my days floating in class 5 calm, drinking and smoking. 

I slept under stars on tough desert ground,

made friends with snakes and toads and scorpions, 

sang along in the dark, watched illegal fireworks illuminate the sky

and learned the true meaning of 'merica.

I played hockey too and was part of the summer champion phenomena. 

There was a party reported to the police, Christmas in July, 

trivia at the bar, barbecues galore, my very first baseball game. 

I also joined a kickball team for a lark, 

wore my rain boots the first shivery, wet day of play.

Met new friends, 

talked to a strapping young man at the bar

which turned into a marathon of phone calls, 

and sitting out at the same time with the sun on our faces. 

The same one who held my tube with great difficulty this afternoon. 

He only does it cause he likes me which I think is grand. 

The year must begin. 

The end does too but I have had the best summer of my life. 

zipping sleeping bags together

crunchy grass 

presses into my skin

as I hear

the saddest story

in the whole wide world,

as I kiss the sorrow out of you

with the best

drunken slurs of consolation

I can muster.

hope floats 

under starlight,

riding on present

where we have been

and all that can happen. 

Post Insomnia

I stayed up all night
painting away.
I look up to see the first light
and since the painting's in honor of him
I take up the helmet and strap it on tight
mount noble Judy, the mountain bike.

I love the way pink dances, stains the sky
around the sun.
I love the way the air is cool
night's breath still whispering goodbye.
I love this mountainous affair
the way he makes me try.

I pedal past  the ponies,
past trailer parks up to the mesa
to the view I love the most
Mountains, I will keep you.
This is all your fault, my friend.
Boy of mine, I'll keep you.

Free

I am free
as a juniper breeze,
light and shining
like a firefly.
I will leave unhappy spots
and start again.
At least I'll try.

I'm laughing at you

be nice she says

tell us straight she says

do not flog us publicly on the world wild web.

I suppose you're right

I concede

there really is no need

to tell everyone how much

I really want to run away.

whoops.

I want you to know

I think violent thoughts about all of you

I think about the irony 

that the girl with the largest room 

is never at home. 

Never cleans house,

never pays rent on time. 

I look upon hatefully

the full circle I've made. 

Again I'm adjacent 

to gunfire.

to some schmo who can't take care of 

his young dog. 

I live with a  girl who won't drink 

who takes things subtley. 

I took MY bike back tonight

and hid it. 

oh the things I could do....

How much greater would my sanity be

if this would all go away. 

Seriously.

Flight

Flight
There are nights where I will dance beyond the dying light. 

but tonight. 

tonight is flight.

You know nothing of what I want

this loud bar 

with unworthy people

toying with their phones.

I tried. 

I really did. 

I lingered in the bathroom 

saw the back exit

and with a palpitating heart,
 I fled. 

I laughed aloud at freedom

as I pranced into the alley.

And I walked,

walked under stars,

under streetlights

eating italian ice,

admiring the gallant stride

of my converse clad feet,

running past the sketchy spots,

counting cars,

climbing up on fences

to stare at the night sky. 

escape

escape 

escape

from loud noises

obligations

the sour moods of the day. 

tonight 

tonight is mine. 

Boyfriend

You're driving me back, asking me what I see

In someone named Scruffmeister P.

All I can say is everything...

I love

how you roll down the windows

and let wind tangle your hair,

how you sing so off key

so shamelessly,

how you drag me kicking and screaming

up mountains

and how I end up eager to reach the top

before running down them dancing

around the rocks,

how you've injured yourself in every possible way

but are still so adventurous and brave,

Much braver than I.

I love

how I'm much braver now

that I'm with you,

abandoning my backup plans

old reprimands

the past.

Anniversaries

It is hard to believe it's been almost a year.

Just one more month and it's the anniversary

Of a scared bachelor's graduate

loading up her faithful car,

with the love of her life in tow.

How little did she know.

The car is gone,

The love is gone,

but Colorado remains.

Rooftop, Word Vomit

We're drinking our beer on a rooftop

My mouth refuses to stop.

This is me and now

the past is just the past.

Lovers come and go

It never seems to last.

But I like you

sure do

like like you.

Promise,

sealed with good times:

sitting out at the same time

in the summer grass

running literal bases

instead of dirty metaphors.

Drinking at British bars,

stacking perilous towers

always at risk to fall.

Inching closer

in front of the fire

setting marshmallows on fire.

Little moments, my friend

bringing us here

holding hands

as we watch lightning rolling in

Bringing us the thunder.

Promise me no Ponies

Pretty promises have nothing on me.

I prefer your honesty.

Keep your marching bands, gourmet meals, elephants

Buy me some sponges

sweep the floor.

change the light bulb

I ask nothing more.

And excess will always be a surprise

and surprises are always nice.

Don't give me the world

just a handful of dirt.

Throwback to Yak

Before Nancy, there was Yak. He was my first "real" bike...as real as you can get in Illinois anyways. A Mountain Trek for the ages. Yak, I loved you.

Yak

Noble steed

With ten speed

Riding

Out to the prairie wide sky

At the day’s close

We travel the most

Testing our limits

Beyond the campus town lines.

Throwback to Freshman Year. Finding Carle Park

This was after a really long bike ride. I love Carle Park and I love that I was the first of the group to find it....and its swings.

Escaping in the Twilight

Swinging swinging

In darkening dusk

Head thrown back

The world is just

Perfectly right

On a night like this

The day has been kind

And leaves me sunkissed

But the moon’s lovely too

Through branches it peers.

Smiling with approval

That fate brought me here

Where sand gets caught

between my toes.

As I push off

grasp the ropes.

Close my eyes-

I prefer them open

It’s a beautiful night

I find you a friend

Just one lone college girl

Out after dark

Finding my pleasure

Swung at a park

Couched Beginnings

Couched Beginnings

I don't know how these things work I realize.

Silence and electricity

sparking synapses for

two hands that have yet to touch.

Penalties

I just want to shove you in a wall

I hope that's okay

You don't need a face, anyway.

I want to trip you with my stick.

Hip check you to the ground

Punch you in the face

When the ref's not around.

I'm going to catch up to you

sneak up to you,

overwhelm you with speed, fear, anger.

It's not your fault.

I swear it's all mine.

Wrong place, wrong time.

nothing to blame

a hockey game.

you're just in my way.

Utah

I hate all of you.

I'm running off to Utah

and when I get back

I'll like you again.

All of you suck,

irresponsible assholes,

but when I return

you'll be my friend.

stern talks, young lads

restart restart

slow motion, I don't understand it.

I like to pick the parts

It's hard to get the VHS.

skip skip

I like beginnings not the endings

Then it gets up and running

the middle is the best.

Hockey and Women

Hockey and Women

ahhh we're skating again...

circle one

I am angry.

circle two

little less.

circle three

dissipate.

Everything

leads back to the ice

and when he left

it was the same.

I went back to happiness

so difficult to describe.

That feeling of freedom

skating, rushing, pushing

becoming that ruthless devil

who takes no prisoners.

(including bad feelings)

joy.

nothing but pure joy.

True hockey players

leave all their emotions out on the ice.

Skate out your anger, feel the love.

Nancy the Road Bike

Nancy, you're so fancy

with your delicate, little frame,

flying through the city

on concrete wet with rain.

I crouch down like a tiger

my heart is on my sleeve.

The wind is running through my hair

and I'm pedaling home free.

Poems I Like

I took a semester in Russian Lit one semester and learned everything in Russia is really really depressing.

Still, I found this poem by Marina Tsevateava and really liked it.

I like that you are crazy not with me,

I like that I’m not with you crazy, either,

That ne’er the heavy planet’s globe will be

Drifting away under our feet, quite easy.

I like that one might funny be and brave,

And free-behaved – and not to play words, rather,

And not to blush with choking a wave,

At easy touching just a sleeve another’s.

I thank you with my hand and all my heart

For loving me (that you don’t even know!),

For the sweet peace, I own in the night,

For the scarce meeting in the eve’s fast flow,

For our not-walking under the moonlight,

For our not-standing under the sun’s glow –

That not with me – alas – you lose your mind,

That not with you – alas – I lose my own.

String Theory

There's such a thing as string theory:

The invisible string that keeps the defense moving in sync at hockey games,

The harmonic vibrations of your guitar,

The way my body is thrumming to the natural frequency of yours.

I came here seeking no favors.

I came here to snap the cords of tension.

I've come here so you could reel me in.

So you could pull the strings of your blinds shut

this rainy afternoon,

So we could get tangled and knotted

in that eternal heart string binding first love.

rain does happen in Boulder

and when it does all things come to a

faucet drip pace.

I want to curl up in a ball

listen to rain fall

paint the world in gray, blue silver tones.

chiming clean rain music

in pitter patter time.

Commence Summer!

I have two weeks of nothing

but sweet summer.

And it's 80 outside...

Nothing but skin baring outfits

and surface area for the sun.

Reasons to lick your ice cream slowly

and dip your feet in the icy mountain water

of Boulder Creek.

Drinking, grilling

soft, soft grass and bubble wands.

Ode to Gardening

This was never fun as a kid

it was never my land

...and now that I've moved

to the wild wild West

I've staked a claim at the base of a mountain

pulled on my bonnet,

rolled up my shirtsleeves

and started hoeing .

and not what you think oh gutter-bound mind!

I'm overturning clayey soil

uncovering metamorphic rocks

pulling diligently at vagrant weeds

thrusting, twisting

my three-pronged fork into the ground

whispering sweet nothings

to my homestead.

I am dirty in the most literal sense,

in total need of a hose down.

I'm gonna put my hoe down.

Newton's 3rd Law

Newton’s 3^rd Law

For every action there

Is an equal

and opposite reaction.

And so

We should treat each other

With a little more delicacy.

Pivot

You need a pivot to rotate a lever arm

A solid little point that holds you down

yet puts you in motion.

Swirling little moment circles in my drink,

I think...

first year of grad school,

my very own solid point of rotation,

check.

I moved...

I moved to a new state

oh beautiful Colorado!

I moved to a new apartment

I moved with a boyfriend.

I moved so much that he couldn't keep up

he left.

I was moved into depression, till I was so sick of it.

I moved myself off couches

out of bad-memory ghosts of an apartment.

I moved away from years of disappointment

to a beautiful warm house

to new friends, to fun.

moved myself

till I was on the other side of the arc

overlooking the journey.

And with a smile lingering on my face I think,

everything is still worth it.

There's always moments about a point

and always a point to good moments.

:)

In the earthquake notebook

Since this is a celebration of how I goof off in class here are some words....

You turned away, handed in your keys

In the end, all you left behind was me.

Walk the hallways that once were streets,

the streetlights dim as I repast singly..

So here I am sitting pretty

in a house that was once a city

and you're my voluntary refugee

and when we fight

WE FIGHT HARD.

wreck the city with our war

and in the end we're left with broken hearts.

Buildings crumbled,

I'm under rubble.

pick, pick, pick up the pieces.

....yup. this was from trying to remember the song 99 luftballoons. don't ask

Frolic Date (circa 2006)

I had to put this on here. This is my freshman year of college and the reason why so many exciting things happened yet nothing ever got done :). To Becks, thanks for this memory of our frolic dates!

Frolic Date

Sunny day and decently warm

And school’s been awfully long

And I’m so excited you decided to call.

-For a frolic date.

It’ll be a Beck and a James

Ready to skip and bubble up

The entire world

Just two girls

-On a frolic date

Our busy lives somehow make room

And a great adventure begins

And we throw caution to the wind

-On a frolic date

We’ll get hugs from the PEC

And steal the engineers’ daisies

And get coffee

And if we’re lucky sometimes a TC

Who’ll look on at our antics

All fatherly.

-On a Frolic Date

And when the sun decides to set

And we’re happily high

From the people we’ve met.

-on a frolic date

On our way home, we’ll mosey along

And in our hearts there’ll be a song

That never ends

Just between two friends

-Who went on a frolic date.

Favorite Poems #1

Just because I also wanted a place to store personal favorite poems....

Irene McKinney is West Virginia's poet laureate and I ran into a book of her poems at the Jane Addams' Bookstore in downtown Urbana, IL. I always seem to find the best random poetry books there. From Six O'Clock Mine Report- II The Only Portrait of Emily Dickinson here goes...

She Says Zero

I have never been seduced. I am always myself.

You cannot prevent me from choosing

to love you in my way. I choose to love

what shines out of you, and not

the doors you close against the light.

I will never love your breakfast cups, your cravats,

your uses in the world. You cannot seduce me.

I would meet you in that open space

at the center where the real words pulse,

where the meaning is.

I will hold out my hands to you

at the same moment yours are

extended, palms up.

But I will not be seduced.

No. Zero.

Boulder People

Boulder People

You’re not like normal people

You are the people

Creating eternal love between yourself and mountains,

With karma flowing through your gluten- free bodies.

You move here

And become a more epic version of yourself.

With yoga bending your body and mind to a higher plane.

Inspiration to circumvent the world,

Careen down mountains.

Breathe without air.

Always telling yourself, no fear

Life is waiting.

Rollerblading

Rollerblading

Happiness

Is feeling the rhythm of the pavement.

The power of your legs as you push, push, push

Towards the sun

With the mountains on your right

And the wind on your side.

Happiness belongs to me,

Is created by me.

And that, my friends, is true freedom.

Once

I was in love once

I tell myself that as I sleep with the others

That exciting feeling of oneness

is meant to exist again.

That void closes in.

I was in love once

and it was a wormhole

sucking all the light,

the space, the clarity

Delirious and spaghettified.

I was in love once

and universes would fall at his feet.

I gave him moon, stars and astronomy

plotting constellations in his name.

That overwhelming greatness

turns to one little pinpoint.

The residual light

of a dying star.

I collapse inward to move outward

and I'm back on earth.

Water Laps

Water Laps

You left me in a sea of hurt and left my heart so sore

And when I learned how to swim, I made my slow way to the shore.

Two months later I’m drying out my shoes and hanging up bad memories

While you swim in the same ocean, and maybe think of me.

Political Love Song

Political Love Song

You were like a ball and chain

A Sarah Palin to my John McCain

We had a sweet campaign season

But I knew you were leaving.

The ballots in your ballot box

Darling I would count.

But the sweetened checkmarks of your vote

Weren’t the right amount.

Franko

Franko

Franklin Delancey Cat

Likes to sit and chat

One opinioned mew

Always turns into two.

And if you disagree

He’ll hit you up with pee.

From me, take a hint

Oblige his temperament.

Always Russian

Always Russian

I wanted you to take it all

I wanted things to burn to the ground.

A Russian reinvention

Of destroy and recreate.

…

I am tired now of self-destructing though

I want spring to come

And plow through this nuclear winter of despair.

I am worthy of blossoming,

Into a Chernobyl sunflower.

New Home...2 months later

New Home…2 months later

My room is painted lavender

My clothes are all set right.

A cat sleeps on my bedspread.

He spoons with me at night.

I’ve got a coffee maker, a space heater, a shelf.

Sunflower in a cider bottle, I’ve made love in my bed,

I’ve got my painted pictures: the peacock and the ocean.

Postcards on my closet door

From all my friends in motion.

And though I’ve gone far away from all the things I’ve known.

Everything is a-okay and I think I am home.

Coffee shops

Coffee shops

Sunday morning and I find myself in a quasi familiar haunt.

Coffee shops.

My money thrown at you all 4 years of college.

Now even grad school

Here I am.

Sipping like a subtle saint with her ears cut off

While honestly I can’t help

Hearing wisps of conversation.

The perfect place for writing odes.

Pieces, pieces of casual talk

Snippets, snippets of life.

This time though in the shadow of mountains.

Hello Boulder odes!